dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
