If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
