you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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