She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
