I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize