hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
