im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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