lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
