shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
