You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Pants are for mortals
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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