Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Small penises have feelings too.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
