Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
