how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
