Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
