imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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