That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm like the big dick whisperer.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
