I just saw a hot homeless man
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
