how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
