just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
