i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
