Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
