i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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