After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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