I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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