shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
