He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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