Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
