having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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