his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
