My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
