Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
