So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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