We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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