I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
