First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
