I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
