you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
