What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize