I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
