I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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