As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
