i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
