thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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