First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
