i don't like sucking hair
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
