I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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