Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
