How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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