North Korea, Best Korea!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
