On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
