Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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