apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
