I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
