I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
