I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
