at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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