capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
