So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
