I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
