Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
