paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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