when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
