I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
