just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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