Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
