can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
