He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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