My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
