Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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