i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
