My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
