so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
